The main offices at Dark Horse Comics. Publisher Mike Richardson is at the head of a table littered with Chinese food boxes and notepads. Seated around the table are the key project developers; Randy Stradley, Chris Warner, and David Scroggy.
MIKE: All right, gentlemen. We need some fresh new ideas for our licensed characters, and I DON'T want to hear the same old things, all right? Let's hear it. Share the brilliance.
RANDY: Okay, how about this? A Terminator/Predator crossover!
MIKE: Interesting…anything fresher?
RANDY: This time, they're in Elizabethan England, and they meet Jack the Ripper! Sort of a James Cameron FROM HELL?
MIKE: …No, no. What else?
DAVID: How about an ALIENS/TERMINATOR/MASK crossover? The fun of the mask and the terror of the Aliens? Sort of a Jim Carrey/Freddy Krueger thing?
MIKE: No, no. I want something FRESH! FRESH, I say!
RANDY: ROBOCOP/TERMINATOR/ALIENS/ PREDATOR/TERMINATOR?
DAVID: How about TERMINATOR/TERMINATOR/TERMINATOR/ALIENS? With PREDATOR?
MIKE: No, no, NO! These are all good ideas, but we've DONE all these. Don't you guys have any ideas left that aren't just the same old thing?
RANDY: Say that again, slowly. That thing about not being the same old thing. You totally lost me.
MIKE: I'm SAYING we should take a look at some NEW ideas for these characters, instead of just having them bash each other for twelve issues!
RANDY: So, what now…you mean we should do more issues? Like thirteen issues?
DAVID: I think he means putting them in new places, like say, TERMINATOR/ALIENS/PREDATOR/ALIENS GO TO FRANCE.
RANDY: AH! I get it! How about ALIENS/PREDATOR/PREDATOR/GHOST/PREDATOR/ALIENS/TERMINATOR/ALIENS GO TO A PLACE WHERE THEY ALL FIGHT?
DAVID: You are TOTALLY missing the point.
RANDY: (Throws up hands…) I'm lost.
MIKE: No. Look, it's very simple. I'd just like, for ONCE, to hear an idea for our licensed characters that's fresh, is that too much to ask?
RANDY: ALIENS/PREDATOR IN THE OLD WEST PUNCHING EACH OTHER!
DAVID: TERMINATOR/ROBOCOP/ALIENS MEET TERMINATOR! IN THE OLD WEST!
MIKE: That's the kind of thinking that made Pacific Comics the success it is today, Dave.
DAVID: How about we just do sequels to Timecop, Dr. Giggles and Virus?
DAVID: Hahahah! Dr. Giggles! Hahaahahaa! Yeah, people want more Dr. Giggles! Dr. Giggles fever--catch it!
MIKE: Hahaha...Seriously, though…Chris? You have anything fresh to add?
CHRIS: Well, how about if we do a series that ISN'T a gimmicky crossover? Just take, say, the Aliens, and do a nice series about them, without all this extra clutter?
MIKE: You are SO fired.
MIKE: Clean out your desk, you charlatan! You shame me with your lack of vision! Okay, clearly it's up to me to make this new project work. It's obvious we've done every conceivable crossover, Batman, Tarzan, Superman, Frankenstein's Monster, Robocop, Terminator, Aliens, Predator, Darkness, Witchblade, X, Magnus… We're like the W.W.F of comics. I'd say, let's do the only crossover left, shall we?
Apologies to Dark Horse Comics, 20th Century Fox, DC
Comics, and ah, hell, apologies to the entire comics
and film communities. But a BIG HUGE YABS thank you
to SCOTT "I'm a GENIUS!" SHAW! - Gail
Art by Scott Shaw! Colored by Jim MacQuarrie and Jonah Weiland.
You'll All Be Sorry! is a satire published by Comic Book Resources, and is not intended maliciously. CBR has invented all names and situations in its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction or personality parody (permitted under Hustler Magazine v. Fallwell, 485 US 46, 108 S.Ct 876, 99 L.Ed.2d 41 (1988)). CBR makes no representation as to the truth or accuracy of the following information.
Captain Carrot & all related characters are TM & © DC Comics. Aliens is & © Twentieth Century Fox. All Rights Reserved.