The legend lives on, though the time is long gone
When comics were sellin' like crazy
The time was a'right fer a book like Dark Knight
And Sandman was fresh as a daisy
Ev'ry corner drugstore carried Fantastic Four,
And the Hulk and the Batman and Titans
And the work gained respect-we were proud to collect
When the Watchmen, Alan Moore was a'writin'
The sea was serene, and then Spin Magazine
Said comics was better than records
And the very top guys quickly opened their eyes--
Became DC and Marvel defectors
They went on to do, books surprising and new
And the fans were all bless't with the bounty
And Marvel sold more, and a new comic store
Seemed to thrive in every county
See, Marvel stock climbed (even split twenty times)
And the owners were feelin' quite cocky
They sure (as a mass) had their heads up their ass,
Or they'd seen that the shoals were too rocky!
They had broad appeal, and the man at the wheel,
Carried the great ship too low in the water…
And during his term, any non-comics firm
That was cheap, well, he up and he bought 'er!
Though retailers cussed, Marvel said, "Buy from us…
We now handle our own distribution"
They ignored fan demands and they cluttered the stands
With X-men and Spider-pollution
The Captain saw gold in his covers, tri-folded
He envisioned a comic book Disney…
He said "My problem is…I bought Fleer and Toy Biz
And the lawsuits are keeping me busy!"
The variants, moreover, the summer cross-overs
Were gimmicks that once seemed compellin'
By the time Spider-Man had his thousandth ash-can
These marketing ploys started smellin'!
Still sales were outrageous, web lines advantageous
And Marvel had top talent backing…
But they wanted to roam, took their art and went home
Though their Image writing sadly was lacking
Marvel, stuck in the mud, got outsold by Youngblood,
And soon Spawn was the number one seller
Checked the Captain's old stash, it was empty of cash,
His performance had been less than stellar!
So they sailed unknown parts, without rudders or charts,
It was clear discontentment was peaking
Though we all were repelled, they gave Cap to Liefeld
And we knew that the hull had been leaking!
Yet over our groans they gave Spidey a clone
And he wasn't an over-achiever
It was the nadir, fans got stuck in the rear
And they told us "Face front, True Believer!"
The new captain in tears, after thirty-odd years,
Said "Fellas, we're too broke to pay ya."
"You've been through lots of shit-we appreciate it,
And we hope ya don't mind if we sue ya!"
Freelancers all cried, hoped that Ron Marz had died,
'Cause DC sounded awfully appealin'
They lined up for shots at fill-ins and guest spots
Many did more than their share of kneelin'!
When the ship hit the sound, many left for high ground
'Cause they felt that they'd been treated dirty
But Marvel repaid most ill will that they'd made
(Unless, of course, your name is Kirby!)
And ol' Smilin' Stan, to the lifeboats he ran
With the Backstreets and Mighty Mouse rowin'.
From the safety ashore, he yelled, "Excelsior!
'Tis to DC that I'll be a'goin'!"
There are those who were glad to see Marvel end badly
And their failure was long since a given
But I would propound that when Marvel went down,
They took half of the industry with 'em
Now it's often been said brighter days are ahead
When there'll be fewer books about hooters
I heard Scott McCloud say that there'll soon be a day
All our comics will be on computers!
And fingers do point, noses get out of joint,
But the blame can be spread among many
And freelancers drowned-comic stores got shut down
In some cities it's hard to find any
Maybe they've learned through a hardship well-earned
How they put a whole hobby in peril
And what's to be gained by the placin' of blame
In the wreck of the Marvel Fitzgerald?
When the waters are still, can't bear any ill-will
For the ship that was lost in the great bay
With the help of the Lord and the sailors aboard,
The Marvel will rise again someday
The Marvel will rise again someday
Though my check will bounce surely on payday
The Marvel will rise again someday!"