Tired of all those big, bulky comics taking up room in your closet? Well, we have just the thing for you!
BATMAN
BATMAN: My parents are dead.
ROBIN: The Joker is sure killing thousands of people each month, Batman!
BATMAN: My parents are dead.
JOKER, RIDDLER, PENGUIN, CATWOMAN: We're not silly anymore, again, by the way.
BATMAN: My parents are dead.
HUNTRESS, ROBIN, ALFRED, NIGHTWING: Shut up already! Life is a beautiful tapestry!
BATMAN: I'll be in the lab.
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CEREBUS
CEREBUS: Cerebus is an earth-pig who loves Jaka.
JAKA: Ain't gonna happen.
CEREBUS: What if Cerebus was just to put his hand right he...
JAKA: No.
DAVE SIM: Gaahh! I almost thought about a vagina!
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CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS
MULTIPLE EARTHS: blip!
READERS, FOR ALL ETERNITY: Whhhaaaaaaaaa???
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DAREDEVIL
DAREDEVIL: I am a soul in torment!
BLACK WIDOW: Why? You're handsome, you have great powers, you're a successful and respected attorney, you have great friends, and chicks dig you!
DAREDEVIL: ...Shut up!
BULLSEYE: I just killed her with a spork!
DAREDEVIL: >wink!< Oh, no! That's >wink< HORRIBLE! >wink wink!< That's the tenth girlfriend >wink< you've killed!
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DARK KNIGHT
BATMAN: Hurt. Others. Self.
OTHERS: OW!
BATMAN: OW!
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A DISTANT SOIL
EVERYONE: Man, do we have awesome hair!
EVERYONE: It's so long and luxuriant!
EVERYONE: I never cut mine, how about you?
EVERYONE: Me, neither! We're drawn so great!
EVERYONE: Let's brush!
EVERYONE: And condition!
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ELFQUEST
SKYWISE: I'm adorable.
REST OF CAST: We're ALL adorable!
READERS: Our stomachs hurt and our teeth ache!
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KINGDOM COME
EVERYONE FROM EVERY COMIC: We're all in here!
EVERYONE FROM EVERY COMIC: With new suits, too!
OLD PREACHER GUY: The future is a pretty f'ed-up place, all right!
ALEX ROSS: This was a metaphor for something, I'm almost positive!
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LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN
FAMOUS CHARACTERS OF ENGLISH FICTION: Wouldn't it be pleasant if there were a ripping tale of adventure where we were all to meet?
OBSCURE CHARACTERS OF ENGLISH FICTION: Us, too, please!
FAMOUS CHARACTERS OF ENGLISH FICTION: Blimey!
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LOVE AND ROCKETS
MAGGIE: I do not know what is happening.
LUBA: But we are written and drawn brilliantly!
MAGGIE: This seems like a flashback. Is it a flashback?
LUBA: Babosas for sale!
MAGGIE: Who is this person who just walked in...have we skipped ahead or something?
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MARVELS
PHIL SHELDON: I can see all these superheroes from the viewpoint of an ordinary man, thus re-affirming my own humanity!
GIANT-MAN: Hello, little fella!
SPIDER-MAN: I am now swinging by your window! Thwip!
PHIL SHELDON: I'm learning a lot about myself by observing these costumed freaks, for SURE! Like, I learned about...something...from...uh...Thor, I guess!
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MIRACLEMAN
READERS: This is a great comic. It has brilliant innova...
TODD: Yoink!
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PREACHER
CUSTER: Welp...time to take a dump!
REST OF CAST: Let's talk about your dump!
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RUMBLE GIRLS
RAVEN: Oh, I killed my coach, I hate my job. Let's go to bed and then fight in big robots.
MALE READERS: This fulfills my long-desired need for Transformer porn!
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SANDMAN
DREAM: i am pale as though i never see the sun and i wear dark clothing and i am wispy, wispy, wispy.
SANDMAN READERS: Us, too!
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STRANGERS IN PARADISE
WOMEN: We like this book!
TERRY MOORE: I ain't stupid!
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SUPERMAN
LOIS: Hey, Clark! I know you're Superman!
CLARK: I am not!
LOIS: Eeeek! A giant ape has me!
SUPERMAN: Not any more! Hey, I'm off to nobly make the ultimate sacrifice! I'm dead, urrrrrrrrgh. Now I'm okay, though!
LOIS: Let's marry to tie in with a cancelled tv show!
SUPERMAN: Great Rao!
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SWAMP THING
SWAMP THING: I'm...a...big...ball...of...snot.
ABBY: I'm beautiful and I love you!
SWAMP THING: That...stretches....credibility.
TEFE: Sorry I killed all those people!
READERS: Now, who are you again?
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TRANSMETROPOLITAN
SPIDER JERUSALEM: Goddammit! I can't tell if the light is green or red!
PASSERSBY: Take off those glasses!
SPIDER JERUSALEM: Oh, that's much better--Thanks very much!
PASSERSBY: Not at all!
POLITICIAN: My bowels are disrupted!
WARREN ELLIS: That's enough out of you!
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ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN
SPIDER-MAN: Forget Chapter One, I beg of you!
READERS: We heartily agree!
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WATCHMEN
A clock is falling and bean juice is on a smiley face. Repeat.
COMEDIAN: I'm FALLING! URRRRRRRRRRGH!
RORSHACH: Hurm!
SILK SPECTRE: There's a dead big telepathic octopus destroying the city!
NITE-OWL: The rich white guy did it, I bet!
SILK SPECTRE: Everything means more than one thing!
ALAN MOORE: Presto change-o! Alakazam!
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X-MEN
X-MEN: We're rebels, AND our books are good again!
READERS: Skeptical utterances of disbelief!
X-MEN: It's true! Here is a certificate of authenticity of non-crapitude!
READERS: (skimming certificate's fine print) Is Halle Berry in the comics version of X-Men?
X-MEN: She is NOT!
READERS: HUZZAH!
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![[Reader's Digest Condensed Comics Classics]](http://images.comicbookresources.com/yabs/readersdigest.gif)
