Unfortunate Confluence of Words: Issue #5

Fri, February 22nd, 2008 at 12:00am PST

Comic Books
Keith Giffen, Columnist

Send This to a Friend

Separate multiple email address with commas.

You must state your name.

You must enter your email address.

First off, my condolences to Mark Bagley and Kurt Busiek, two talents I've the utmost respect for who are about to dive, head first, into the swirling morass of weekly comics. Having chafed under that yoke for the better part of two years, lots'a luck, guys.

Got to admit, though, after running weekly, the monthly grind seems inordinately leisurely. Guess there's an upside to everything -- with the possible exception of herpes.

And speaking of weekly (King of the Segues), seeing how I'm wrapping up my involvement with that particular publishing nightmare, I figured I'd take a bit space here and pass on a few things I've learned to Mark and Kurt. Forewarned, as they say, is forearmed.

  1. Yes, you probably will have to talk to your editor once a week. Just pretend it means something and things shouldn't get too hinky.

  2. Alcohol is not the answer.

  3. Family? Friends? That was then, this is now.

  4. When you start dreaming about it it's time to move on.

  5. If you find yourself wondering, "Gee, when did all of the trees get green again?", it's time to move on.

  6. Ronalds' holiday printing schedule -- the gift that keeps on giving.

  7. And you think some fans were insufferable in monthly doses...

  8. No bald spot comb overs. What's that? You don't have a bald spot? Wait.

  9. Remember Murphy's Law? News flash: Murphy was an optimist.

  10. Think you have enough lead time? Think again.

  11. At least you're not saddled with Jason Todd.

  12. Or, come to think of it, Donna Troy.

  13. Might as well send a character on vacation in a storyline, it's the closest you'll come.

  14. The comp copies will hit once a week. Hope you're on good terms with your UPS guy / gal.

  15. 52 issues a year, every year -- no pressure.

  16. "When did Junior start shaving?" Time to move on.

  17. There can be too much of a good thing. Unless the book's really crappy. In that case, never mind.

  18. Believe it or not, in this case your editor really does know best. I don't really believe that, but Carlin slipped me five bucks to say it.

  19. DC Comics still stands for Detective Comics Comics. I know it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about here, but it still bugs me.

  20. When in doubt, make them Skrulls. No. Wait. That's Marvel. Durlans. Make them Durlans.

  21. If you draw with your right hand, learn to eat with your left.

  22. When they told you, "Chicks dig weekly guys?" Nuh-uh.

  23. Yes, the rest of us are laughing at you behind your backs.

  24. That year commitment? Make sure they weren't talking dog years,

  25. Hey, I had to work with Rucka. Count your blessings.

  26. Three words: Double page spreads.

  27. Carpal Tunnel? Well, d'uh!

  28. Meet your new best friend: Tylenol PM.

  29. If you claim you're entering your Alex Toth phase, you don't have to draw as much. Then again, what you do draw had better be dead on. Okay, maybe

    not such a good idea.

  30. Forewarned, that critic guy, Jim something, over at Comics Bulletin never lets up. Sure, he calls him Major Tom, but we all know it's that Mr. Wanty bastard.

  31. Yes, there is a "missed shipment" pool and we've all got money riding on it. You guys take a dive around issue 34 I'll split the pot with you.

  32. The Production Department hates you. Just thought you should know.

  33. There will probably be some blow-back from readers picking up the first issue thinking it's about that chick from the Matrix.

  34. Huh... That's twice I've used the word "chick"... My bad.

  35. Crap. That makes it three.

    And finally (and none too soon)...

  36. If it stops being fun, bail. Life's too short.

Again, lots'a luck. You'll need it.

Unfortunate Confluence of Words Home | Unfortunate Confluence of Words Archives

 
Unfortunate Confluence of Words