Unfortunate Confluence of Words

Fri, May 9th, 2008 at 1:18pm PDT

Comic Books
Keith Giffen, Columnist

BRAIN FARTS

Being bits and pieces of various and sundry that have, for one reason or another, caught my attention lately. In other words, I've been deadline swamped lately and this is the best I could cobble together during my "copious" spare time.

In no particular order...

Seems there's been a bit of a recent dust-up concerning the “Brave and the Bold” book and why such a great title isn't selling as well as some believe it should. My guess would be... people aren't buying it. There. See how easy that was?

Actual dialog from issue # 44 of “Justice League of America” circa 1966.

VILLAIN

Not only are you doomed, but so is
everyone else you have touched!

ATOM

Jean Loring, I’ve signed her death
warrant!

FLASH

I gave Iris West the kiss of
death!

GREEN LANTERN

Carol Ferris, in deadly danger!

BATMAN

Robin, what have I done to you?

How'd Wertham miss that one?

So, after all is said and done, exactly what was “Countdown” counting down to? A Valium dependency. Of course that could just be me.

I still think Didio gave me the “Reign In Hell” assignment so he could tell me to "go to Hell" on a regular basis and leave me helpless to respond in kind.

As much as I deplore the gimmick, I'm hoping Hank Pym turns out to be a Skrull. Giant-man was, is and continues to be my all time favorite superhero and the whole wife beater angle still galls.

There's actually a TV ad for a cholesterol drug that lists as a side effect, "sudden death." Kinda makes "anal seepage," another actual side effect, look pretty good in comparison.

I recently picked up a copy of Previews, the comic book ordering catalog, and paged through it figuring it had been years since I'd last checked one out. I got about halfway through it before my eyes started bleeding. My hat's off to the comic shop retailers who have to slog through this tome every month. I mean, talk about four color overload. And what's the deal with Marvel and that separate comic book sized insert? Strikes me as the print equivalent to a gated community. What? Too good to mingle with the rest of us?

Enough! The following characters should go on extended hiatus. Immediately!

DARKSEID: I've said it before and I'll say it again, Darkseid is passed around DC editorial like a bong.

The JOKER: Not quite as bad as Darkseid, but close.

SUPERMAN PRIME: Geoff's the only one knows how to get the character right so...

MONGUL: Darkseid lite. What more need be said?

SKRULLS: This one's more a preemptive strike. By the end of the year you'll understand.

I know the list is decidedly DC heavy. Might have something to do with the fact that I'm, pretty much, a DC guy for the foreseeable future. Y' think?

So I'm grinding through the ol' "Ambush Bug: Year None" assignment and, in keeping with the spirit of the character, find myself trawling through the DCU looking for long forgotten DC characters, the weird, the lame or the just plain outrageous, only to find that most of them -- let me repeat that because it bears repeating -- most of them have been, and I use the term loosely, gentrified and shoehorned back into DCU continuity. Think I'm kidding? Check it out...

QUISP: Still an annoying imp but now an evil annoying imp.

EGG FU: I still can't believe the "52" crew made that one work.

COMET the SUPER-HORSE: Was a... what? Were-horse centaur? Now he's some kind of cyborg centaur? Sigh... No respect for the classics.

ITTY: You'd think the name alone would be enough to relegate this one to "better off dead."

BAT-MITE: If anyone can pull this one off it's Morrison. Maybe.

ARM(S) FALL OFF BOY: Or lad or kid or whatever. I think Waid meant this to be a one shot gag. I think Waid was right.

Speaking of Ambush Bug, I'd like to take this opportunity to preemptively apologize to the following for upcoming events in the Ambush Bug mini-series.

Green Lantern.

Vertigo.

Geoff Johns.

All 52 Earths.

Women in general.

Continuity buffs.

Grant Morrison.

Bears.

Mark Waid.

Blue Beetle.

The D.C. Nation.

Manga.

Greg Rucka.

Eurotrash.

D.C's production department.

WildStorm.

Jets fans.

Lois Lane.

The city of Las Vegas.

Good taste.

Existential angst.

Gail Simone.

Arbor Day.

Family values.

Mexico.

Jann Jones.

The Boston Red Sox.

The NBC fall line-up.

Abba.

Limericks containing the word "Nantucket".

The 31st Century.

Aquaman.

Dan Didio.

Newfoundland.

Suburbia.

Wing men.

And last but not least...

Pelicans.

That'll do it for this go-round. I'll try not to let so much time creep past before the next blatherfest.

TAGS:  ambush bug, darkseid, skrulls, justice league of america, apologies

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