Unfortunate Confluence of Words

Fri, March 6th, 2009 at 11:28am PST

Comic Books
Keith Giffen, Columnist

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Keith abandoned you for "Fallout 3."

Ah... We meet again.

I know, I know, it's been a while and, truth to tell, my workload has been more than manageable so... why the delay?

I got nothing. Actually, I've got “Fallout 3.”

That's right, I threw you over for a video game.

Before we dive into the proceedings, let's take a moment, since it has been a while, and remind ourselves of the following...

Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one. And, most importantly...

If you left your sense of humor in your other pants, please go get it before reading on. Life's too short, if you know what I mean.

We on the same page? Good. What say we check out what's been on, what I jokingly refer to as, my mind lately. Or, as I like to call it...

WHY I STILL DRINK IN THE MORNING

LARSEN vs. WACKER: Really? In public? Over Obama bragging rights? Two words. Grow. Up. Which, coming from me, pretty much defines hypocrisy.

“THE DARK KNIGHT”: I finally broke down and watched the whole damned thing and didn't much care for it. Then again I really liked Zombie's “Halloween “so I'm probably not the best guy to be listening to when it comes to movies.

GIFFEN 1: That's what I used as a tag when I decided to pay one of my, infrequent visits, to the DC boards. I just registered the same way you guys do and signed on. Big mistake. Apparently I'm not allowed to be myself until some nebulous message board monitor sticks a PRO label under my name. News to me. So now I've got people out there who think I'm some yahoo pretending to be me. Which begs the question... Who would want to go through the trouble of pretending to be me? I know me and, really, it ain't worth the effort.

Erik Larsen vs. Steve Wacker: grow up

THAT NEW YORK POST CARTOON: Hello? It's the New York Post?

WHERE THE HELL IS JOHN BYRNE?: Love him or hate him, you cannot deny the guy's talent. John is one of the very few –along with Perez – comicbook creators (and yes, he has created stuff so I'm quite comfortable using the term) that I'd actually drop a project to work with. It's all about what's on the page and John puts it there like few before or since. C'mon, I can't be alone in this.

I MISS THE WEEKLY GRIND: I know. Shoot me.

EVENT FATIGUE: Get real. You're still buying so how fatigued can you be?

YOU KNOW IT'S COMING: "In the Pink!" The Pink Lantern Saga. Come to think of it, if DC ever does a Rainbow Lantern team book, do they all have to be gay?

“THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT”: Well sure, that one had remake written all over it.

EISNERS AND HARVEYS AND EAGLES, OH MY: Can we put an end to these self congratulatory circle jerks? Having been the reluctant recipient of a few of these awards, I think I'm qualified to say... Who cares? Too ungrateful? Perhaps. But, as I've said before, at the end of the day it's just comicbooks. I can live with that.

“THE DC ENCYCLOPEDIA”: As valuable a reference source as it is, if you're a pro writer... burn it. You need a solar powered villain? Instead of letting your fingers do the walking, make one up!

SHOUTING OUT: I'm not a big convention goer. That has less to do with conventions and more to do with me. I always feel a bit awkward talking about what I'm doing instead of being in the studio actually doing it. On my infrequent convention sojourns, and this is especially true when on DC business, I find that, however hectic or crazed things get, I can always count on the DC Booth crew to provide a sanity saving comfort zone. These guys and gals are, to my mind, unsung heroes. So, to Fletcher, Vince and the rest of the crew, my thanks. I couldn't do it without you.

"The DC Comics Encyclopedia": burn it

NEWISH KIDS ON THE BLOCK: I'm a huge horror fiction fan. Huge and growing huger (fill in your own erection gag) thanks to a spate of newish horror writers currently making names for themselves. Brian Keene, Edward Lee (not so new but oh so deserving of notice), Gord Rollo, Bryan Smith, that Wellington kid, and these just off the top of my head. Worth a pick-up, each and every one. Oh, and props to Leisure for giving most of them voice. End of plug.

MAC IS BACK: I just switched over from PC to Mac and couldn't be happier. To a borderline technotard like myself, intuitive is a godsend.

UM... Yeah. The contact info, if it's still there, at the end of the column? I kinda, sorta killed that e-mail address a while back and forgot that it was posted as a place to float comments. My bad. Technotard... remember?

DEXTER? IS THAT YOU?: Anyone else reading Ethan VanSciver's column over at that other web site? I mean, I knew the guy was disturbing, but... da-amn! Never change, Ethan.

IF IT'S REALLY THAT BAD THEN WHERE ARE ALL THE RESTAURANTS?: I can't find a decent Mexican restaurant and it's really beginning to piss me off. Hell, I live 40 minutes from NYC and I had to haul all the way to Toronto to find a halfway decent one? How bad is the situation? The best Mexican food to be had in my area is Taco friggin' Bell! Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest.

POINT OF PURCHASE: When you buy a book from Amazon, do you order on line or go to one of their stores? What's that? They don't have any stores? I'm thinking DC, Marvel and Diamond might want to keep that in mind?

FIVE PEOPLE WHO, IN MY OPINION, HAVE OVERSTAYED THEIR WELCOME:

  1. JOE THE PLUMBER. That one's pretty self explanatory.
  2. JASON. If that hideous “Friday the 13th” movie's any indication...
  3. Stan Lee: let it go
  4. THE MONEY YOU COULD BE SAVING BY SWITCHING TO GEICO. Who came up with that!?
  5. PEOPLE IN BATHTUBS. Right. I take a boner pill and my first thought is, "I could really use a bath".
  6. STAN LEE. There's a reason the Boss' "Glory Days" is a kinda, sorta depressing song. Let it go already.

WHERE'S MY STEVIE WONDER CONCERT?: I mean, if it's all about leading by example...

A QUICK QUESTION: If I'm already in the "left turn only" lane, do I still have to use my blinker? Apparently a certain law enforcement officer thought so. Isn't that a bit redundant?

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER?: I don't think it's said often enough so let me see if I can't correct that on my part. Thank you. To all of you out there who plunk down your money for whatever book I happen to be doing at the moment, thank you. Your continued support is what makes it possible for me to, not only make a living, but continue to be an active participant in this madcap business that I love. Thank you. For everything.

And on that sickly sweet note...

See you next time.

TAGS:  barack obama, stan lee, the dark knight, keith giffen, john byrne

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