It's Friday evening at Comic-Con International in San Diego, and Marvel is presenting its "All-Winners Squad" panel hosted by documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock. The CCI program description for the panel is enigmatic, to say the least—stay tuned to CBR's live coverage to find out what this one's about!
"This team appeals to me because they are a team of underdogs--and I like underdogs," Spurlock began. He spoke briefly of the original "All-Winners Squad's" history at Marvel and, before that, Timely.
Now, though, Spurlock said that a group petitioned Marvel for a super-team, and three members are in attendance: The Unicorn, the Hypno Hustler, and Squirrel Girl. The Hypno Hustler said its time for characters like him and the others "who have been treated like a joke, to get respect."
The Unicorn spoke about previous heroes and villains who have worn the mantle have been genetically enhanced, but his own powers come from his helmet, which sports a horn. With it, "I can cook a Hot Pocket in like a second!" Because his horn is a laser, Squirrel Girl and Spurlock suggested he call himself "Laser Face."
Spurlock asked the audience a bit of trivia: "which hero on this stage has a tattoo we can't see." Hypno Hustler laughed that Unicorn has a tramp stamp, but Unicorn said that on a man it's called "a bro brand!"
"Bro brand is much worse," Spurlock said.
Hypno Hustler, a musician, lamented that his band has not been getting good gigs. He played Latveria, but not for Doom: "We were hired by Doombots... to play for Doombots."
Spurlock asked the team for their rallying cry, and after some confusion they shouted in unison: "The All-Winners Squad Unite, because we are a legitimate team—with weekends off!"
Spurlock revealed that "All-Winners Squad" would be a new Marvel web series, taking a reality-show approach to the underdog heroes. The audience was then treated to the first episode. Mysterio, the Walrus, Frogman, and Howard the Duck also appear in the animated show, under the direction of Mr. Fish.
Asked about their superhero responsibilities, Squirrel-Girl said "Tony Stark asks me for help all the time" and she hands out "nut sacks"—that is, bags of nuts—to keep energy up at Marvel. "It turns out Tony Stark really loves nuts!"
Paste Pot Pete is their nemesis at the office, with Hypno Hustler saying he's "that guy who's on your level, but thinks he's one notch above your level."
"He acts like he's got powers, but we all know he doesn't," Unicorn said.
A slide show presentation revealed that Batroc, Big Wheel, Boomerang, Demolition Man, Devil Dinosaur, Doop, Ego the Living Planet (Squirrel Girl: "I beat him!"), Hell Cow, Hit Monkey, Man Bull, Phone Ranger, Rocket Racer, Ruby Thursday, and Stilt Man would also feature in the series.
Spurlock then opened the floor to questions. The first three asked for dates with Squirrel Girl, while the next was an animated question about the awesomeness of the "Iron Man" movies. (These questions were almost certainly planted.) The animator then stood to ask Spurlock if he "really liked it." (Yes.)
And with that, Marvel's strange, strange panel wrapped up. Be sure to visit our forums to talk about this one, and look for the "All-Winners Squad" cartoon at marvel.com.