Secret Invasion #1

by Kevin Church, |

Cover Price
$3.99 (USD)
Release Date
Apr 2nd, 2008

Wed, April 2nd, 2008 at 4:44PM (PDT)


“I bought a comic book last night.”

“You did what?”

“Yeah, it’s called 'Secret Invasion.' Apparently, a bunch of those guys, they... “

“Wait, what guys? The guys with capes?”

“Yeah, the superheroes.”

“OK.”

“We’re clear?”

“Crystal.”

“Anyway, some of them aren’t them. They’re other guys. Aliens. Skrulls.”

“You mean like Captain America or...“

“He’s dead.”

“I just saw some thing with him and...“

“No, he’s dead. He’s been replaced.”

“So there’s another Captain America.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same guy. It’s Bucky Barnes, apparently.”

“Like I knew who the hell it was before.”

“Point. Now, back to this Secret Invasion.”

“OK.”

“I saw it was in Entertainment Weekly and decided to pick it up. I used to read comics back when.”

“You went to the newsstand?”

“Like they sell comics there anymore. I had to go to this place. Don’t even know the name. Four dollars it cost me.”

“What? For a comic book?”

“When I laid them out on the counter and said something about them costing seventy-five cents when I was a kid, this guy behind the counter, he rolled his eyes. Said some crap about getting the point already.”

“So you took it home?”

“Didn’t even have to. Read it on the damn subway. They said it was double-sized, that’s why it was that much, but it took me three stops to finish it, that’s it.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Four bucks, and it’s like freaking whalesongs because I’ve not picked up one of these things in years. Anyway, I’m reading it, and everybody, they sound like they came out of some Mamet play.”

“Who?”

“David Mamet. Does plays and movies. Does novels too, but nobody I know has read one of them.”

“Oh, gotcha.”

“Everybody, no matter who they are, they speak with this rhythm. This staccato, dat-dat-dat beat that just doesn’t seem right because some of these guys, I read about them when I was a kid. That Mister Fantastic...“

“With the stretchy arms in that movie? I took my kid to that.”

“Yeah, he’s some sort of big-brained scientist and he’s talking like he’s forgotten how to make a sentence. Same for Tony Stark -- he’s Iron Man.”

“Oh, that movie looks good. That Downey guy’s pretty good when he wants to be.”

“And smart, which makes him perfect for that role. Of course, that’s not how he sounds in this comic, even if he’s talking about his grand plans and how he’s kept an eye on everything since way back. He just blah blah blahs.”

“So did you like it?”

“I might have, maybe, if I’d been reading Marvel Comics for however long. But I haven’t been. So, like I said, some much of it is clicks and whistles to me. I had to look at the freaking Wikipedia page to figure out some of what’s going on.”

“They didn’t, like, let you know what was what?”

“I guess they presumed I’d been reading for however long.”

“And this is, like, the first issue, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you got it because you saw it in a magazine, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, like, a million other people probably saw the same thing and thought about getting it.”

“Yeah, sort of like seeing the trailer for a movie and thinking that you may want to watch it. So you go to the theater, but instead of the movie starting with the beginning, it actually starts like thirty minutes into it.”

“Wow.”

“And people are talking about stuff that happened in the first part like you saw it.”

“That’s some crappy way to write a comic book.”

“You’re telling me. I spent four dollars on the damned thing and I’d have to spend another twenty or so to finish the story, not counting all the crossovers that are going to be in, like, every other Marvel book.”

“Twenty-four dollars for one comic book story? Plus whatever you’re going to end up wanting to spend if you wanna read, like, Batman’s little whatsit, too?”

“Batman’s at the other company, but something like that, yeah.”

“Man, whatever. Get a DVD and a six pack for that much.”

“Yeah. I gotta give it up to the art, though. I liked that.”

“Yeah?”

“Really good stuff. This guy Yu, he makes with really good facial expressions and stuff. I could understand what was going on even without the dialogue.”

“The dialogue that stunk.”

“The dialogue that didn’t really make sense to me.”

“Because people kept talking in circles. Like that guy, but without actually saying anything. Like that guy, but not.”

“That guy Mamet.”

“That’s the one.”

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